The Love and Logic Philosophy at Creative Minds Learning Centers

Love and Logic is a philosophy of raising and teaching children. The goal is to allow adults to have more skilled interactions with children that allow the empower adults to create respectful and positive relationships with children. The Love piece encourages children to grow and learn from their mistakes. The Logic piece teaches children the natural consequences of their actions, and to deal with that in a healthy and positive way. CMLC schools and teachers are certified in this behavioral approach, and offer seasonal courses for teachers and parents, bridging the home-school connection.  

The Foundation: These are the core ideals of the Love & Logic Philosophy

• Shared Control - Control is shared with the adult and the child. The adult gains control by giving away the control they don’t need (and often the control they didn’t have to begin with) 
• Shared Thinking/Decision Making - The adult provides opportunities for the child to do the greatest amount of thinking and decision making. 
• Equal Shares of Consequences with Empathy - The Adult meets the child with empathy and consequences, not punishments. An absence of anger causes a child to think and learn from his/her mistakes. 
• Maintain the Child’s Self-Concept - Increased self-concept and sense of self/core beliefs leads to improved behavior and higher achievement.

“Wait… What is the difference between consequences and punishment?”

Consequences expressed with empathy will place a child in the thinking/decision-making mode and the problem will become the issue, not the adult. Punishment usually elicits an emotional response, and a desire on the part of the child to rebel rather than engage in more responsible choices. In turn, the adult becomes the issue, not the problem which can lead to unnecessary power struggles.

The Guiding Rules: There are two basic rules in Love & Logic:

1. Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, threats, or repeated warnings. Love and Logic suggests that adults set limits using enforceable statements, and regard mistakes as learning opportunities, and resist the temptation to nag.
2. When children misbehave and problems arise, adults hand these problems back in loving ways. Provide empathy before describing consequences, use few words and more loving actions, delay consequences when necessary, and give kids the gift of owning and solving their problems. 

In Action: Adults should follow these 5 steps to guiding children to own and solve their problems

1. Empathy - “How sad.” “I bet that’s tough.”
2. Send the Power Message - “What do you think you’re going to do?”
3. Offer Choices - “Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?
4. Have the child state the consequence - “And how will that work?
5. Give permission for the child to either solve the problem or not solve the problem - “Good luck. I hope it works out”

Tips and Tricks of the Trade: Follow these tips to get the hang of using Love & Logic every day with your child or the children that you work with! 

Enforceable Statement

• Always say what you are going to do, not what you think the child should do.
• Only speak from your perspective because you are the only one you can control.
• Make sure you can actually enforce the statement you are making.
  

Delay the Consequences 

• Delaying the consequence gives you time to think of an appropriate one and allows you the chance to get ideas from other people and get the support you will need to carry out the consequence. 
• When a problem arises and you need to delay the consequence, simply say: “Oh no. This is sad. I’m going to have to do something about this. But not now, later. Try not to worry about it.” 
• Let the child think they’ve gotten away with it, and then make a plan with help from others and carry out the plan if the child refuses to solve the problem on their own.
  

Give Choices 

• Give as many choices as you can while the price tag is small so you maintain control when the stakes are higher. 
• Only give choices you can be incredibly happy about. Kids need to believe (whether it’s true or not) that your life will go on and you’ll be happy no matter which choice they make. Never give a choice after they have argued with your original decision. This shows the child that they can manipulate you.

When giving choices, begin with phrases like: 

• “What would be best for you…” 
• “Would you rather…”
• “Feel free to…”
• “You can either...” 

Love & Logic One-Liners: Use one-liners when an explanation is either not necessary or it will only cause an argument. Don’t be afraid to be a broken record.

Pick one or two that work for you and try them out. 

- “Nice try”
- “Probably so”
- “I love you too much to argue”
- “Could be”
- “It probably seems that way to you” 

Miscellaneous Tips 

The question we want our students and children to ask themselves is “How is the next decision I make going to affect me?” Surround your behavioral management around this concept. Children don’t learn to make decisions when their decisions are made for them by teachers, parents, or caregivers.  Then, when they are faced with a situation and need to make a decision, they do not make it on what is right. Instead, the child makes a decision based on who is going to find out, how that person will react, and how they can hide it from that person. A child needs to feel they have an investment in something in order to take it seriously, so create the space for them to become invested and encourage them to do so. Don’t make this choice for them, they will choose the most important things to them if given the chance, and that chance comes from the adults allowing the child to access these things. Talk about things your student/child likes to do and explain exactly what you need to see from him/her in order to gain access to those things (this happens when a misbehavior has occurred). This will help the child realize what decisions they want to be making. It will help them remember the rules, and it will also help them make positive choices because they know what is important to them, and they know the consequences if they misbehave or face challenging behavior. Children are smart enough to remember if it’s important to them, so don’t nag or remind. Just tell them and encourage them to be invested and make the best choices. 

Often, we must pick our battles wisely. Not many things are worth fighting over. If you are faced with something and find yourself getting into an argument with the child, take a step back and delay the consequence to center yourself. You will not win an argument with a child. Instead, focus on holding the child accountable for knowing the rules. Talk about things your student/child likes to do and explain exactly what you need to see from him/her in order to gain access to those things (this happens when a misbehavior has occurred). Use empathy when doing this, and focus on making the behavior the problem, not the child. It is best to have these conversations in calm waters when everything is going fine. You can ask them to come up with solutions of what should happen when misbehavior occurs. Have a back-up plan in case they don’t follow through with their end of the bargain when a problem arises. 

Finally, when using the 5 steps, do your part and walk away. Don’t hang around for what could turn into an argument. Go back to what you were doing to show that your life goes on and that you are not worried. Smile through these interactions! It is a tough job that is very challenging and trying, but with Love & Logic you will avoid power struggles, providing the responsibility to the child, and they will rise to the occasion.

All CMLC parents and staff are invited to participate in our annual Love and Logic Training Course, coming Spring 2018! Keep an eye out in your emails for our invitation to the class, we hope to see you there!

For more information regarding the Love and Logic philosophy, visit LoveandLogic.com